Lonely No More
by angelslaugh
Summary: ...or how Itachi and Naruto got together. One Shot. M for language
1. Chapter 1

**Elements1999... Happy now? I CAN write a non-genderbent ItaNaru!**

 **(Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto and its respective characters)**

 _~angelslaugh_

~:~

 _Forgive me, Naruto?_

Naruto's eyes burn scarlet at the thought of Sasuke begging his forgiveness.

 _Dammit. Why couldn't he have not been so naive?_

He stopped and shoved his hands into his pockets, thinking.

Two years. And all during those two years, Sasuke'd been fucking Sakura.

 _Tch._ He stopped walking. It was pouring, and most people were inside. It would be so much easier if he could permanently change himself into a girl, wouldn't it?

He didn't heed the rain, nor the looks that followed him. Hate, pity, or confusion? He didn't know. He walked until he was on top of the mountain, looking down at the village.

"You'll catch a cold."

Those words didn't surprise him. Nor did that voice.

"You, of all people, should know I don't get colds." He felt better responding to him that way, when he was alone and without fear of someone thinking he was talking to Kurama again. Not that the huge bijuu was still inside of him - the two may have forged a connection but it wasn't as though Kurama could forget everything the humans had done to him.

Because, after all, the person talking to him wasn't visible, or real to anyone else. Naruto chalked it up to him being unhappy in the afterlife.

"I do."

Something tangible set itself on his body, and he looked down. The black cloak with red clouds made him frown.

"But you're not real."

He turned, to see Itachi standing there.

"I wasn't," Itachi agreed. "I don't know what happened." He walked over to the younger blonde, who suddenly felt like this was too much.

"You _died._ You've been haunting me for the better part of two years!"

Itachi frowned. "I wasn't haunting you. I was simply making observations."

Naruto felt like pulling his hair out. _Simply making observations!_

"Your brother is an ass!"

"Which is what I was _trying to tell you,"_ the older Uchiha snapped.

Naruto blinked, recalling the older Uchiha's conversations with him. How he'd implied Naruto was a girl many times - Naruto gritted his teeth. _Gods._ How could he have been so _stupid?_ How could _Itachi_ be so cruel?

"I wasn't trying to imply you were a girl at all," Itachi said, as if he could read Naruto's thoughts (not that the Uzumaki would put it past him, to be honest.) "I was simply trying to tell you he was cheating on you."

"Then - then you should have _said it!"_ Naruto threw up his hands.

"I couldn't. Every time I tried, I found myself frustratingly silent." Itachi paused. "I was also trying to get you to date any number of the available men who would want you."

Naruto furrowed his brows. Itachi's quiet comments about his partners on various missions...

Naruto flopped onto the muddy ground and held his head in his hand, feeling the insane urge to laugh. Or cry.

"But, now, I'm going to do my best to catch you."

Naruto's head jerked up.

"What? Itachi?" There was nobody in sight. Naruto sweatdropped. "I really, really hope that he was just kidding when he said that..."

If he even said that. If it hadn't been a dream.

~:~

The first sign that it hadn't been a dream was on his first mission out of the village. He'd left to gather some berries for the stew being made, and upon his return, there was something bulging in his sleeping bag.

Opening it, there was a black shirt. To Naruto's sharp nose, it smelled like Itachi. The uchiwa fan on the bag made him stare for a minute before storming over to the fire and throwing the shirt in.

 _He would_ not _be caught in another Uchiha's grasp._

~:~

The second was after his fifth or so mission after his and Sasuke's breakup. Going to a museum and stealing an important document some lady was paying handsomely for.

Luckily, it was listed as 'artifact number 43', was in a small crate that smelled of dust and mold. The client's... emissary (because apparently _all_ rich people in a Daimyo's court needed an emissary) opened it and nodded.

"This is it," she said grandly.

"What's it say?" Ino asked.

The emissary scowled at her. "None of your business!" she said. The emissary then turned to Naruto. "But because you've been such a dear, hot stuff, I'll let you read it when we get to Konoha."

They trudged along.

Back in Konoha after three days, the emissary left, leaving the scroll on the Hokage's desk after the ninja'd been paid by Tsunade.

Naruto noticed the seal was broken, and told Tsunade about the promise the emissary had told him.

Tsunade nodded distractedly. "Whatever, brat. Go ahead." She paused. "Now that I think of it... The mission _was_ oddly specific. It was aimed at _you,_ Naruto."

Naruto tensed and opened the scroll.

He snapped it shut after reading it, twin irk marks decorating his forehead.

"I'm going to _murder him,"_ Naruto hissed, livid.

"What?" Tsunade looked up at him, her face confused. Naruto opened his mouth - only to spot the mirth in her eyes. She _knew,_ goddammit.

"It's a _poem,_ not some secret document," Naruto hissed.

"Oh, a poem!" Ino gazed at him. "Please read it, please!"

Off to the side, there were listening ninja.

Naruto cleared his throat. "Um, I don't think -"

"Come on, Naruto, can't be _that_ bad if someone's letting _you_ in on a secret poem."

"Tch. The dobe wouldn't read a poem if his life depended on it."

Naruto had avoided Sasuke for ages.

 _Fuck my humiliation._

He opened the scroll.

 _"Sharingan are Red,_

 _Rasengan are blue,_

 _If you won't be my Valentine,_

 _I promise not to Chidori you."_

Right after that, Naruto chuckled.

"Well, that last part's a damn better promise than my ex gave me." He let it snap shut and turned a sickly sweet smile onto Sasuke. "Isn't it, Sasuke?"

Sasuke's eyes flashed red, but Naruto allowed his own orbs to flash red in warning.

Sasuke blinked first.

"Whatever. Nobody would want to go after used goods, anyway."

The blood drained from Naruto's face.

"Uchiha Sasuke!" Ino looked horrified. "Naruto's -" she seemed to gather courage. "Naruto's a thousand times better than you are!"

"If _I_ was gay, I'd want him," Kiba added.

"You sure you're not?" Shino asked dryly.

Naruto snorted. "Thanks, Ino, Kiba. But it's not necessary. Really. Honestly, though, Sakura, you sure _you_ want _used goods?_ Because I'm sure he had plenty of time as a bottom himself."

Another dead silence, Sasuke's face going a mottled red in suppressed rage.

"Also, red's _really_ not your color, Sasuke." He gave Sasuke a cheeky smirk. "Though, again, I'm sure you knew that."

He waved, smiling fakely, and vanished.

~:~

He was there on the Yondaime's head again when he got mail.

Actually, it was a folded up picture of Sasuke with a note pinned to it.

Not seeing anyone in the vicinity, he looked at it.

 _When I heard he joined with Orochimaru, I made a thousand of these. Great for kunai practice. - Itachi._

He eyed the picture again.

A scary grin appeared.

~:~

Sasuke slipped into the dobe's house. For someone who was a so-called 'hero', Naruto didn't have many good traps at all.

He opened the dobe's bedroom door and was met with something very, very disturbing.

His face was plastered all over the walls of the dobe's bedroom. Normally, that would've made Sasuke wonder as to his mental health, but right then, he'd been focused on making Naruto psychologically uneasy.

No. It wasn't the multiple pictures of him that disturbed him.

It was the kunai sticking out of his forehead on every single one. The sheer amount alone made him pale.

Naruto _desperately_ wanted him dead.

"What are you doing in my house, teme?"

He turned. Naruto's once gentle blue eyes were _pissed._

"Um..."

He looked for an exit. He found one.

He took it.

He jumped out the window and ran for his life.

~:~

"I forgot I needed to set up traps," Naruto mused. "I was only using these pictures as target practice, anyway."

He shrugged and started tacking up more.

Kunai hit the walls a few seconds later.

~:~

Nobody was really surprised when a presumed-dead-missing-nin-turned-hero appeared out of nowhere in front of Naruto on Valentine's Day.

Because, let's face it.

Itachi was like the _only one_ who could evoke such irritation out of his little brother.

Plus, the whole _'Property of Uchiha Itachi'_ shirt incident three days before was a big hint. Naruto, poor fucker, was unaware of it.

(There was a report given to Tsunade by Kurenai. Tsunade hadn't even punished the woman for helping the supposedly dead Uchiha out. Then again, she _had_ been too busy laughing and choking on her sake.

Kurenai had been visited by Itachi, who had asked her to perform a _genjutsu_ on Naruto so that he noticed nothing odd about his shirt. Namely, it wasn't his usual jumpsuit. She'd obliged, mostly because she was interested and partly because Itachi had told her to pretend he was threatening her child if anything went wrong.)

So, in front of every ninja in the jounin lounge, along with Tsunade who was lecturing every jounin on their supposed _lack of professionalism,_ Itachi appeared, a bouquet of blue roses, tsubaki (camellia flowers) flowers, and some sakura blossoms all in it.

Naruto's expression warred on exasperation, annoyance, and resignation.

"One date today?" Itachi asked in a quiet voice.

Naruto thought for a moment. Itachi wouldn't quit anytime soon...

"One date," he reluctantly agreed, accepting the flowers and refusing to blush like a girl. "One date, and then, if I don't like it -" He paused, a thought occurring to him.

 _There was no fucking way he wouldn't like it, if he was honest with himself._

"If you don't like it, I'll stop," Itachi readily agreed. "Dinner, tonight?"

"Sure." Naruto paused. "After Granny re-enlists you as an alive person again. Since you're technically not a ninja, and counted among the dead, you're going to ANBU cells."

Itachi laughed, and _damn it_ it was sexy.

"She did that right after I gave you my robe."

Naruto turned to Granny Tsunade, to see her exiting the room hurriedly.

In fact, it was quite odd how most of the ninja left, as if they already knew -

He was distracted.

"I wanted to ask you if you'd wear this shirt tonight."

It was the shirt he'd thrown in the fire. He winced at its state - barely anything was left.

Conveniently, the uchiwa fan was still intact.

"It's too burned."

Itachi didn't look too unhappy.

"Then wear the shirt you did three days ago."

When he got home and put it on and looked in the mirror...

"UCHIHA ITACHI, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!"

Itachi merely gave a chuckle as he walked, a smirk curling his lips.

No, his dear kitsune would not.

His kitsune would be too preoccupied to be murdering him.


	2. Chapter 2

SO I ACTUALLY WROTE SMUT FOR THIS STORY. BUT IT'S ON AO3, UNDER THE SAME USERNAME, UNDER THE SAME STORY TITLE.

PLEASE NO FLAMES.


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